Something is Not Better than Nothing – To be Single or Not to be

[cs_section id=”” class=” ” style=”margin: 0px; padding: 45px 0px; ” visibility=”” parallax=”false”][cs_row id=”” class=” ” style=”margin: 0px auto; padding: 0px; ” visibility=”” inner_container=”false” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=””][cs_column id=”” class=”” style=”padding: 0px; ” bg_color=”” fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″][cs_text id=”” class=”” style=”” text_align=””]Are you single or in a relationship that may not be for you? Have you settled? Do you think that having something is better than nothing? Have you considered the opportunities that you may be missing because you settled? Everyone that comes into our lives provides us something that we need at that time. So depending in what mental or emotional state you are in you will attract someone who fills what you may be needing at the time. Although they give you something that you have been wanting or needing they may also come with a lot of what you don’t want. With that being said you may find yourself in a relationship that does not serve you. It is so important to be honest with yourself. Only you know what you want and need from a relationship. In this day and age we live very busy lives and making the time for someone can be challenging. Time is precious so how and with who you choose to spend your time with matters. Why settle for crumbs when you can have the whole cake.
First off be clear, who are you? What do you want? What are your non-flexible deal breakers? What is most important to you? Ask yourself “why would anyone want to be with you”? How will being with you make someone else’s life even better? What do you have to bring to a relationship? What do you want to give of yourself? Often people go in search of relationships not being clear of what they want or who they are. They go in search of a relationship in the hopes that another person can complete them or make life better for them. This is not good nor bad but not the best way to go into a relationship. Then your happiness and sense of self would be dependant of this relationship. This is a lot to put on another person and also risky. It is risky because it is inevitable that people will leave us or we will leave them either by death or by choice. At the end you will always have you and the relationship with yourself. However, how would life be like for you if you already felt complete on your own? Would it be possible that bringing another person to your already amazing life would only make it that much more amazing? YES!!! Of course it would!
So before you go looking for a relationship, look into yourself first. Get grounded in who you are. Most importantly accept all of you, the good the bad and the ugly. You know the areas in your life that could use improvement. Focus on building your self confidence if you are having challenges. If you feel really confident, then get clear on what you want and go for it! There are many amazing people and it is important that you believe that to be true. This will allow you to see the greatness in others instead of their flaws. When those flaws pop up then you can decide if they are part of you non-flexible deal breakers and go from there. Never settle for crumbs!!! You are worthy of having the whole cake.

Living with Grief

This is a very touchy subject for most to talk about.  However, the fact is that death is inevitable.  How do we overcome death and is there such a thing as making the best of it?  I know loss all too well.  In 1997, I lost my brother to a random freeway sniper shooting.  He was only 5 days from his 22nd birthday.  In February of 2002, I lost my grandmother that was precious to me due to complications of diabetes.  In May of 2002, my mother passed away due to a head injury she had when she fell on Mother’s Day.  She was only 47 years old.  In 2003 and 2004, I had a miscarriage.  In 2010, I lost my dad due to renal failure at the age of 61.  I am now 41 years old and I have experienced so much loss.  This is by far not easy to live with at all.  No one can describe the heartache, devastation and shock of experiencing such loss.

It’s been years since I have lost my loved ones and I still have moments where I physically and emotionally feel like I just found out.  On most days I am happy and live in gratitude every moment.  On other days the grief attacks.  Sometimes I will have a dream about my parents and in my dream I realize that they are dead.  I then begin to cry and wake up crying.  I wake up with the heaviness in my heart as if it all just happened.  I allow myself to cry it out.  I am always alone when it happens and I must admit that it only makes me feel worst.  I allow myself to feel the pain and let the tears come down.  I cry it out and allow myself to experience my experience.  It is okay to allow yourself to feel the pain, the point is to not get caught up in it.  Avoiding my pain has never worked for me.  In the past I use to mask my pain with anger.  I was angry at the world, angry with myself and angry with God.  It was difficult for those who were closest to me to not be affected by my anger.  Learning that anger was my way of masking my pain has been such a freeing  experience.  I became aware of what my behavior was creating  around me and how that made me feel really bad about myself.  I know now that I have a choice.  That it is ok to be vulnerable.  That it is ok to admit that I feel sad or hurt.  Most of all that it is ok to cry.  I learned that when I am having a grief attack I have a choice of how I will deal with it and how the rest of the day will be.  This is a conscious choice.  I can choose to feel sad all day or choose to make the best of my day  to honor their death.  Ultimately I have a choice because I am alive.  I have the opportunity to make the best of my day every day and every moment because I am alive.  I cannot change what is; I can only change how I choose to live my life moment to moment.  We all have a choice.

Happy New Year!!!!

Today is a new day, a new year.  We put so much energy on the new year, but the fact is that every moment is a new moment.  The only difference is that the number of the year has changed.  It’s up to us how we want to interpret what is a new beginning.  If today is a new beginning for you, what does that mean?  What is your commitment to your goals? How is this year going to be different than last year?  What did you learn last year that will forward you this year?  What ways of being are going to support you in making this the most extraordinary year ever?  What will you be doing different?  One thing is to make a list of goals and the other is to actually make them happen.  Take this opportunity to connect with what your commitments are and get clear as to what it is going to take from you to make them happen.  Are you committed beyond convenience to achieve your goals?  Life will happen to you or for you and that is a given.  Will you allow yourself to be derailed?  Never, ever give up!  You can have it all and you are worthy of having it all. Surround yourself with people that challenge you and stand for you and your vision for yourself.  Hire a coach or get a mentor.  You don’t have to do it all alone and you want to have people there to push you and motivate you when things get challenging.  Have a detailed plan of the steps you will need to take to achieve your goals and set deadlines for each step.  Have fun along the way.  One more thing, remember to smell the roses along the way.

Wishing you a PHENOMENAL year.

Your Coach,

Sandylu Guerrero

Who is Judging Who?

Let’s talk about judgment and image.  There are those who constantly worry about their image and what everyone is going to think or say about them.  Why do we worry so much?  What has us worry?  Is it possible that it is because approval, acknowledgement or validation of others is being sought?  Is it possible that you are worried that others may judge you the way you judge others?  Or is it because you are already in judgment of yourself?  When we are doubtful of our integrity in any form or way we worry that others might judge us because we already made ourselves wrong about what we are doing, thinking or feeling.  Do you find yourself constantly in judgment of you?  If you interpret most things as good/bad, right/wrong, win/lose or would have, could have, should have you are setting yourself up to  judge yourself and others harshly.  This way of interpreting things hold us back from taking on challenges and risks that lead us to any and all of our goals.  It is limiting.  Know that our best varies.  When we are ill our 100%  is different than when we are feeling healthy and that you do what you do based on what you know at the time.  Take the time to acknowledge yourself.  The most important acknowledgement is the one you give yourself.  You do not need anyone’s validation or approval but your own.  Practice compassion with you and forgive yourself for your breakdowns.  If you practice compassion for you, then you will practice compassion for others.  If you practice compassion for others you will see that your relationship with them will transform and instead of you judging them and them judging you, you support and empower each other unconditionally.  U Have A Choice.

Life without Failure

What if you removed the word “FAILURE” from your vocabulary?  It is often said ” transform your words and transform your world”.  What if there was no such thing as failure.  Failure only exist because you said so.  Because maybe you bought into the idea that “FAILURE” existed.  All this word has ever done for anyone is give them a reason to beat themselves up, live in regret, distrust themselves and their abilities, feel pity and sorry for themselves, feel resentment, anger and guilt and create inaction or sabotaging opportunities.  I can go on and on about this word.  Getting caught up in FAILURE is not going to get you anywhere.  In fact, the longer you stay in that experience the more reasons you will come up with why you are a failure or why you failed.   Thus causing more breakdowns in your life getting you further and further from what you really want to create for yourself.  Then you become cautious and are afraid to reach for your goals professionally and personally.  I have heard people say “I failed my relationship and now I am divorced”.  How is that interpretation going to make them feel about themselves and about starting a new relationship?  Now what if you change the interpretation of this particular type of experience?  What if instead of “failure” you simply learned how not to do something.  Another way to look at it is that you simply learned what does not work.  Now coming from this type of interpretation you can bring the lessons from the past to the present and the future.  Now coming from this place you can also create something amazing and something new.  Remember every moment is a new moment.  We cannot bring back the last second, all we have is right now and the future.  Know that all along you have a choice of how you will interpret things.  So ask yourself if how you are interpreting a particular experience is holding you back or serving you?  You are as powerful as your interpretations.  Remember U Have A Choice.